This is a topic I have struggled to come to terms with; especially when you are born with the capacity to love and overdo it (and I mean, really overdo it). Can you teach people how to treat you? If you have been treated badly by a friend, family member, lover, crush, is it inherently your fault? Will you always come across people that no matter how good you are to them, fail to treat you the same way? I personally think that you can express your expectations, set your boundaries for how you want to be treated, love yourself to the fullest, but you can’t “teach” someone who doesn’t want to be taught. You cannot force someone you care about, to show the same level of attentiveness, affection, and effort as you do. I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum and burned my self-esteem through tireless efforts to get people I adore to love and respect me the way I love and respect them.
Self love, is so important, but here are some tips to dealing with people who don’t treat you the way you want to be treated:
- Learning to eventually identify, reflect, and communicate the issue helps. You should never feel like you are doing so much with nothing to show for it.
- Walking away: having the confidence to tone it down or walk away completely is an option.
- Learning that people express love and affection in many different ways: your way of expressing love may not reflect someone else’s manner of expressing love/friendship.
What are your thoughts? Is it contextual?
Unrequited love is by far one of the WORST life lessons to go through (for me at least). I’m a giver, I go out of my way for people, I have tons of that mushy-gooey type of love that poets and writers thrive from…and for while, I hated it. I hated it because people I love(d) took advantage of it. It is a hit to your self-esteem and worth. Confidence turns to “I’m not good enough” giving with love, turns to expecting things in return.
I loved a handsome young man who was everything I wanted and more in a friend and lover. Tall, smart, down to earth, family oriented etc. I plucked up the courage to tell him how I felt but his response was rather vague, leaving me in hope (the unhealthy, obsessive type). As time passed, it was VERY clear that he was not interested but insecurity snuck in and told me that all I had to do was PROVE to him that I was worth being with. I wasn’t his physical type, he had some issues he needed to deal with, he was busy, but I paid no mind to the obvious. My only task was to “make him see” that what he needed was right in front of him. wrong. so.very.wrong. Choose to love yourself first, and foremost. If someone doesn’t see the gem that you are, take it as a sign from the universe that it just wasn’t meant to happen, or that something even BETTER is suited for you.
Let it go.
Cry, binge watch The Crown on Netflix, and work on loving and improving yourself FOR yourself. The rest will follow. If you feel sexy, confident, smart etc. people will naturally be drawn to you. Work on your hobbies, hangout with people who do love and care for you. Go out, stay in, just be YOU. Have expectations on how you want people to treat you, and don’t you dare settle for less. Walking away is the hardest part, but close one door, and another will surely open…
photo from : pinterest.com